Every year, by this time, I’m already getting ready for my birthday blog post. I’ve been going through all of my experiences… all my ups and downs the past year. What I did not expect was a message I received yesterday from a very close friend followed by a date earlier today and then going home tonight with my heart breaking.

After everything I’ve experienced in high school I can honestly say that I left that nightmare with only three closest friends. I’ve been with them through thick and thin. We survived every fight and we stood by each other no matter what. Now, I feel like things are falling apart and there’s nothing I can do about it. When everyone walked out on me… when all I ever did was cry, they were the only ones who cared… the only ones who stayed. And now when two of them needed me the most, I can’t do anything but listen. I can’t pick sides either.

I couldn’t stop thinking. My chest hurts. I have many questions. But the sad thing is I’m not sure if I even wanted to hear the answers.

Why do we cheat on those we promise to love and protect? How can we say we even love them when we do things that hurt them? How can we look at them in the eye and boldly deny things we knew we were guilty of? Why commit a mistake and apologize when you will only repeat it over and over? How can you throw years of love for something fleeting and shallow?

How long can we protect a person who won’t stop hurting himself by hurting the people who cares about him?

Why do we hurt the ones we love most? Why after all these, we still can’t stop loving that person?