First, let me just get it straight. I’m not depressed. I know what depression feels like since I’ve fought it for a long time. This is not depression talking, just some realities in my life.

I have been blessed with a family with a good reputation, a job in an esteemed organization, a house I can call my own— a comfortable life. You might think I should just be enjoying life, working hard and enjoying it even harder.

The thing is when I look at everything—all of it—it seems superficial. Meaningless. Great things with a rotten core. Good things vulnerable to rust and destruction.

The thing is, when people from the outside think you are strong, they don’t really think hard about how you feel or how you think, or what you are really experiencing beneath the surface. They don’t know that the main reason you left home were the unending, restless days spent fearing harassment from someone you lived with. They didn’t know that behind the glamorous job was your health slowly deteriorating. They didn’t know that behind the nice house were unending lists of loans and bills that needed to be paid. They didn’t know that behind this comfortable life were temptations you’ve been running away from and sins you were fighting hard not to commit.

Sadly, when people in your inner circle think you’re strong, they readily speak their minds without compunction of your current state of mind or emotion. When you speak out, they think you were being 'irritable' no matter how much you try to modulate it, but when you don’t speak out, they think it’s your fault for not voicing your thoughts.

This is such a beautiful world. God’s creations still leave me in awe every time I immerse myself on it. I still want to sing to Him, and serve Him through the gift of teaching He’s given me. But this world is also too much. Too much hurt. Too much anger. Too many temptations and sins. Too much chaos. These material things are not worth it. These joys are fleeting. At the end of the day, it’s all meaningless.

If God would be so gracious as to take me now, hopefully in a manner that doesn't cause 'inconvenience' to others, I would gladly accept it. This life, here on earth, is meaningless. It only pulls me away from Him. I would rather just end all here and join my Father in heaven, where there is only peace.
 

Ecclesiastes 1: 1-11 (NLT)

1 These are the words of the Teacher,[a] King David’s son, who ruled in Jerusalem.

2 “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”

3 What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? 4 Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. 5 The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. 6 The wind blows south, and then turns ... Read more »

I've been contemplating an issue that has been bothering me for quite some time now: 

What are the deciding factors of those in authority that led them to relocate the loading and unloading station at MRT GMA-Kamuning (originally in front of MLQU)?

As someone who walks to and from work daily, (covering approximately 2 kilometers in total) as part of my health routine, I find myself both accepting of and mostly irritated by the change. It's just an additional 650 meters (approx.), but one must also consider the challenge of walking five flights of stairs (southbound) when the elevator is out of service or when the line is too long. This is not to mention the length people have to walk on other segments of their commute. 

This got me thinking about the plight of individuals with disabilities, pregnant women, and senior citizens who now must walk extra distances just to access the MRT (specifically at GMA-Kamuning, as I'm not certain about other stations). 

I'm well aware that my mother, with her knee issues, would face considerable difficulties. Moreover, having accompanied some pregnant women during their last trimesters, I understand the physical strain they endure, especially those with complicated pregnancies even at the early stages.

These thoughts were actually set in motion when my right leg had been acting up weeks ago. While it was injured in a childhood accident, it doesn't qualify me enough for a PWD ID due to the nature of the trauma. I can only imagine the challenges faced by individuals with more pronounced mobility limitations.

It strikes me as ironic that, at a time when the world is advocating for inclusion, we seem to be growing less sensitive to the needs of those in the minority who require our support to be included. Some might suggest, "Use an alternative mode of transportation," or the more common sarcastic remark, "Take a Taxi, Grab or Angkas (etc.) if you're so concerned." However, it's essential to recognize that not everyone can afford these options.

Perhaps it's also time for me to replenish my supply of Seretide and Salbutamol, just in case.

P.S.: The lawful options are limited to the NIA North road or Petron/Landbank East Avenue. 

Just now there were people trying to hail passing buses, illegally, at the old (more sensible) loading area and in front of MMDA enforcers. I cannot run to the bus anymore since I'm so tired from work and had a lot of baggage. The enforcer asked me, "San Mateo ka? Hindi ka nagsabi."

And ladies and gentlemen, it's my fault that I did not ride the bus at the former loading area that they closed for whatsoever reason. 

Thanks for encouraging me to not follow your unit's new mandate. I was raised better than that though, and I'm not in such a hurry to go home. Sorry sir. 

As I write this, I can't help but feel a sense of gratitude despite the challenges that I've faced in the past few years. I am currently pursuing my PhD in International Tourism, and I recently passed my comprehensive exam, which has brought me closer to achieving my academic goals. However, the journey hasn't been easy, as I've had to juggle work, family, and school commitments.

As much as I've tried to maintain a work-life balance, our family business has suffered in recent months, which has been a source of stress and worry. Nonetheless, my sisters and I are determined to bounce back and work towards getting our business back on track.

At my workplace, I've had to contend with long working hours and staff shortages, which have tested my resilience and patience. However, I'm grateful for the supportive and encouraging environment at ASITE, which has helped me push through the tough times.

Working as a faculty member at PUP has been a fulfilling experience, as it has sparked my passion for research and continuous learning. It's been an opportunity for me to share my knowledge and expertise with others, and to grow both personally and professionally.

On a personal note, I recently bought my dream home, which has been a long and challenging journey due to construction and labor costs. But the satisfaction of finally having a place that I can call my own has made it all worth it.

Over the past two years, I've also had the chance to travel with my family and friends, which has been a welcome respite from the demands of work and school.

Most importantly, I am grateful for the love and support of my family, especially my sisters and our little one, who have been a constant source of joy and inspiration. We' ... Read more »

All people experience different seasons in life. Each is designed to teach us lessons that will eventually shape who we are. And even if we don’t have control to some of these events, we can always choose how we will let it affect us in the long run.

2016 was a particularly hard year. Due to helping some students who experienced sexual abuse, some of my repressed childhood traumatic memories came back. And my usual happy days slowly turned into teary nights no matter what I tried. Now, when people hear about my so called “great depression,” they also always hear next about the place that led me to my healing.

My visit to South Korea in 2017 started by meeting two angels, a young firefighter-doctor couple, in Busan who helped my friend and I find our accommodation. It was my first contact with Koreans, and I would never forget how they literally turned from their usual downtime night jog, after a tiring shift, just to walk us to our building. It was a promising start, and though some may say that not all Koreans are the same, I’ve never met one who was impolite and unaccommodating to a traveler like me.

I remember walking by Haeundae Beach, fine sands on my feet, and my college friend busy gushing over the “I Love my Bros” air balloon currently hovering. I remember the rain that fell while we were roaming around the colorful Gamcheon Culture Village, while watching the waves kiss the rocks along the shoreline of Haedong Yonggungsa Temple, and while immersing myself with the history and nature of Songdo Skywalk. I remember thinking that I didn’t care if my clothes and bags were getting wet, because all it felt like was that the rain was washing away my tears and pain.

... Read more »

More than a month after my birthday, I am just posting my annual B-day blog.

Does laziness come with age? I am still trying to figure it out.

Last year, I looked back on my past and how things ended up after every decisions and steps I took. As I reviewed it now, I find a sense of renewed gratefulness for all the blessings— God knows how many times I cried this year because of frustration and tiredness (and deadlines filing up). Nevertheless, I feel so grateful for the reasons behind those tears.

March 2020, less than three months at AIM, we were hit by the pandemic, and I was one of those forced to work from home. It has been tough to adjust to all the new processes and systems, and the extended working time. It is true that working with A-Class people has its perks, but it can be quite challenging too. However, I thank God for giving me a good team and a kind set of people at work that helped me weather it through. I am now on my 1 year and 4 months.

Being able to work at home also gave me a chance to enjoy life more and to do things I’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance to do so because of busyness.

April 2020, I started learning Hangul. I fell in love with the language, and I got to learn ... Read more »