Once, I met a man who I deeply respected. He was a friend of my superior and I was able to see how a good leader he was. I genuinely liked him even when I started to hear rumors against him.

Who am I to judge someone when he'd done nothing but be nice to me? When he smiled and laughed and joked and helped even when not asked?

Then I was given the chance to know him more. I was afraid of such new environment but he helped me go through it. He tried to comfort me with words of motivation--- and when I needed it most, he showed me he cared. I would never forget the words whispered to my ear when I was crying in worry for one of those people I love most. When the time came that we had to move on, I was very sad and disappointed. 

Something happened though. Some sick play of fate that made everything go spiraling down. Something that made him do things to protect his own. I could never fault him for that of course. I would also protect all of those I care about--- those who seek for my guidance. But what I never expected was the way he handled things. For all the trust I've given him... For all the fierceness I've shown others while defending him... He fed me to the bulls. Probably not directly... but using those people I learned to care about against me. It just made the hurt more potent. I tried time and time again to give him the benefit of doubt. I tried to remember all the good things I've seen in him. Until the time that I realized how he tried to avoid my gaze as much as possible. Until I stopped hearing his greetings whenever we see each other. Until he started to distance his self from me. Until those who look up to him started to treat me the same way.

Oh yes, I will definitely fight tooth and nail for those I love... but I will never betray anyone's trust.

I think it's only fair to say that pain is one emotion I’ll never get used to, no matter how many times I get to experience it. Especially from the hands of the one I trusted not to give it to me.

I thought I would learn to shun and hate him for all the things he'd done to me and the people I deeply care about-- then I thought, what a person like him, who's extremely intelligent and talented--- who could be gentle and fun-loving, could have suffered that made him the bitter person that he is... that he would hurt someone he once treated his own if it served his purpose... that he would betray a friend's confidence for prestige and recognition... that he would make people turn on each other with his manipulations.

I realized I couldn't hate him after all. I'll just hope and pray to God that I never end up like him no matter how life gets tough.