I’m so tired. What did I do wrong this time? Why did it have to happen again? Why does it have to be this way whenever I start to open-up, to trust, to feel as if i finally found what I’ve always wanted? Why?

My friend said I shouldn’t blame myself but how can I do that? It happened several times to pass up as a coincidence. However, no matter how many times I try to look back I cannot think of a word, a gesture or anything else that I might have done for it to happen over and over again.

Why can’t my life be a simple one? Why can’t I find that good friend, a brother that I never had, a companion that will listen to my questions and opinions and stories that girls may not appreciate– may not relate to? Why do I always keep my hopes up when I already knew that everything turns out complicated in the end?

I should have known.

I invite thee fire to consume me

Burn away the pain and unease 
Turn me into ashes, into nothingness 
So I can be in that place I long to reach 
To experience peace and serenity.

- Faye C.