Oftentimes, people ask me what I think. Most of the time, I can easily form thoughts and translate them into words. I can easily express myself seeing as I am a very opinionated person. However, this moment is very different from the others I’ve ever experienced before.

As a person who always value joy and peace among other Fruits of the Spirit, I was completely blindsided by something that happened months ago. For the first time, I caused someone (indirectly as it might have been) so much hurt and (let’s face the facts) anger.  I knew it. But the sad thing is I knew of it too late. I apologized as I prayed for directions. I waited in a way I’ve never had before. To quote Miss Clara from the movie War Room:

“You’ve got to plead with God so that He can do what only He can do. And then you’ve got to get out of the way and let Him do it.”

I am still waiting on Him to show me… to tell me what to do. Because I know that His plans for me are better than anything I could ever dream or think of. 

On the other hand, in the quiet, I couldn’t help but think. Think of the years that passed, the people I met and the experiences I’ve had. I’d lost friendships because of intrigue. I’d lost beloved family members. I’d lost opportunities that could never be taken back. Loss is something I am deeply acquainted with. And knowing that…. somewhere out there, a very special person feels lost partly because of me, will always be a stain on my heart. No matter how much this person says that everything is fine, I know it isn’t. I know… because once upon a time, I was that person.

Now when that person feels the need to express the hurt no matter how shaded the method is, I try to understand… try to put myself in that person’s shoes. Furthermore, on the back of my mind, I feel some kind of awe… because I also knew that if I am on the same situation, I won’t be as forgiving or as kind. I just hope that that person knows what a treasure it is to have that kind of personality and use it to choose happiness instead of dwelling with the feelings of loss and hurt.

I only ever knew two ways to handle these feelings: to face it head on or to run. Many times, I feel the urge to run… have done as much in the past. Almost did it this time. But again, I decided to wait. There is a time for everything and I am confident that God will make everything beautiful in its time. I have so much in my heart to give…. Have had more than two decades of it stored inside of me. But in the midst of everything, I will always put my First Love first. The one I love above all else. As one of my favorite songs from Newsboys says,

“I’m second to One. He’s second to none.”

So in seeking His w ... Read more »