Why couldn’t I stop myself? It probably was stalker-ish of me. Stupid. Considering I hate stalkers myself. But I guess there are times in anyone’s life when they want to re-live moments that made them feel so... so alive. So I did it. And after over a decade I was able to find you. But even then I stopped myself from reaching out. Why? Maybe because I was afraid that what we had wouldn’t be enough? That maybe all of those moments— those feelings were just a childhood fantasy? I don’t know.

But what I do know is that, no matter how many times I say goodbye... you will always have a very special place in my heart.

You showed me romance ‘til I desired for nothing more.

You made me feel special ‘til I learned to truly love myself.

You inspired my mind ‘til words continuously flowed to the surface.

Above all, you showed me love ‘til I realized I couldn’t settle for anything less.

But fate cruelly played with us...

She pulled us apart one bit at a time

For years I fought for you and I know you did too.

I only survived the heartbreak just by thinking of you.

Your twinkling eyes as you tried to steal a glance over your food

Your lips as you gave me that mysterious smile that held promise

Your voice as you sang those heartfelt wor ... Read more »

I’m so tired. What did I do wrong this time? Why did it have to happen again? Why does it have to be this way whenever I start to open-up, to trust, to feel as if i finally found what I’ve always wanted? Why?

My friend said I shouldn’t blame myself but how can I do that? It happened several times to pass up as a coincidence. However, no matter how many times I try to look back I cannot think of a word, a gesture or anything else that I might have done for it to happen over and over again.

Why can’t my life be a simple one? Why can’t I find that good friend, a brother that I never had, a companion that will listen to my questions and opinions and stories that girls may not appreciate– may not relate to? Why do I always keep my hopes up when I already knew that everything turns out complicated in the end?

I should have known.

I invite thee fire to consume me

... Read more »

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything.

Maybe my muse left me when i decided that real life is too important and i chose to be that practical girl who does nothing else but work, go home, socialize a little over the net, eat, then sleep. After reading some wonderful fics, I realized how empty it is.

It is empty and disappointing, knowing that I had moments when words just flowed and I didn’t get the chance to write them down. Or I did get to write them down but too tired and lazy to type them in. I’m a shame, even to me.

The last few months have been– well, tiring. Thank God it’s worth it ‘coz the money i got went to help out in the housing loans. But still… I don’t enjoy it anymore. All of it. Of course i do laugh. Funny moments are just around the corner. But i am not happy. I wonder what happened along the way. Just last April I was ecstatic. Now i am joyless to the point of insomnia and headaches.

Do I need to stop? Am i meant to stop? Is it time to stop?

Maybe yes. Maybe not.

Night is my favorite time 
for without the darkness one wouldn’t see the stars 
without the sun one can see the moon’s glory 
run with all your might and feel the breeze 
let the wind freshen your skin 
let it give you life 
let it give you hope 
let yourself be renewed 
all during nighttime.

- Faye C.

Hold in all the pain, let it swallow you alone.

Cry if you will, until there are drops no more.

Don’t regret a thing; it’ll work out on its own.

Just hope for tomorrow, know you are not alone.

Scream, shout, thrash and smash.

Life without pain is nothing but make-believe.

A lie.

A dream.

A wishful thinking.

- Faye C. (November 8, 2009)

 It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on my blog… well, if i can— i would have about 4 reviews to write for four great masterpieces of Regency Novels i managed to finished as well…. Oh! Guess it can’t be helped.

I left my first job and went to another one. I’ve always loved tourism and culture and geography and places but not in a way that i could just sit in the office whole day doing bookings and stuff like that. I love interacting with people. And i would like to relate to them with regard to tourism and culture, geography and places…. Customer Service suits me well i think. At least for now. I have 3 more months ahead of me until i finish this three-month project. I could decide later on and just have fun for now.

As i always say, it’s because of my faith that i could go out of my comfort zone. And i plan to make the risk worth it.

  ... Read more »