My world is full of colors with different shapes and angles. I learned that one secret to contentment is to never expect anything. God will provide all of my needs. Even those that I haven’t, or simply don’t, recognize. Many people look at me and ask if I am happy with the way things are in my life. And I always say I am. I do not lie. But there are moments when I get this feeling again— this nagging voice at the back of my head, making me act like I would have 10 years ago. I get confused. I get sidetracked. But these butterflies— I learned to appreciate their appearance. They make me believe that I really am not asexual.

Temptation, that’s what you are.

Now the question is: Should I flee or should I indulge?

How do you know when you’re living a blessed life?

It’s when you never feel lonely even when you’re alone.

It’s when you get things you never knew you needed until you got it.

It’s when you don’t get what you've been praying for, only to realize afterwards that it’s not really as important as you thought.

It’s when you learn of things about the ones you love— things you never see coming… things that should have repelled you… and realize that it doesn't really matter. That what you love is not their past but who they are as a person.

It’s when you work hard but happily towards your goals and dreams with hope. It’s having the ability to pursue them with all your might— but still be open to the possibilities that there might be a time when you’ll need to find new ones.

It’s when you can talk about your mistakes, your failures and your hang ups— then simply smile because you know that they were all supposed to be a part of your life to make you a better person… the person you were meant to be.

When I went home today, I was feeling all light and happy. I got no enough sleep last night then I had to get up early for a Grad School make-up class, during a holiday no less. But still, I felt blessed. And I know I was.

When night came and all of my sisters and my mom came home, we started our end of the day chat. My mom told us about a woman with three kids who sat beside her in the jeepney. Her two kids were nauseated and she looke ... Read more »

Taking risks with a blind eye. Going through Plan A without a back-up plan. Quitting your job without a new one on the ready. Just going with the flow of life without anything concrete, any pre-arranged direction.

All of these were not me. Or at least I was expected to be not all these. By family. By friends. By acquaintances.

All of them expect me to be wise, smart, organized, and responsible. They expect me to be great in everything I do. They expect me to be successful in life. They expect me to be someone great, someone respected by everyone else.

The difference between childhood and adulthood. When you were a child, people praise you for getting three stars in your class activity. They smile so proudly when you get a grade of 85 and above much more when you are at the top ten. They are happy when you get up at the stage and join competitions.

When you’re grown up, they start expecting things from you. They expect perfect scores. They expect medals or certificate of distinction. They expect you to win all competitions.

And even if some of them don’t voice out their opinions on your failures— on your mishaps, all you’ll need to do is to look at the disappointment in their eyes or to see the slight, distorted twist of disapproval on their lips… or maybe the soft whispers when they think you’re not listening.

The difference between adulthood and maturity. You start to see that you are an individual. You have your own beliefs to live by. Your own personality ... Read more »

Yeah—So I’m a Green Lover.

Many people are surprised to know that my favorite colour is green. Well I’m equally surprised that they think of it as unfeminine or not suitable for a woman like me.

This led me to some thinking-time (since I had a lot when I got this horrible chicken pox). Why did I end up loving this color? When did it start to happen?

I guess my fascination with it started when my sister got hospitalized (for the nth time). When you’re in an area full of chaos, your head filled with worries and you try to think of something else to pass time, you get to notice many things. I realized that most hospitals I’ve been to were coloured green. My mom told me it was because it’s relaxing. You see, I was not really sold into it at that time. After all, the girl in me always thought that all girls should like Pink or Lavander. But then again, I started to collect my things in shades of green. I even remember talking my sisters into painting our old house’s interior with mint and rose linings. It was awesome.

... Read more »